Tuesday, 22 October 2013

Quick OOTD

This is what I wore to the first Fat Positive Northampton meeting last Wednesday. I featured this Modcloth dress on my blog during the summer but I've warmed it up with thick black tights and a cardigan.

Dress from Modcloth
Cardigan from M&S
Shoes from Next
Handbag from Accessorize

Thank you to lovely Kerry for snapping my photo!

Mrs D x

Sunday, 20 October 2013

#BodyConfidenceWeek Day 7

Day 1, 2 and 5.

Today I wore a jumper that by all accounts was completely unflattering. It was fitted, sat on my wide hips and was adorned with a tacky Christmas pattern and giant reindeer. And it looked bloody marvellous! I wore it with my favourite pair of high waisted jeans. Up until a year or so ago I never even owned a pair of trousers and when a couple of pairs did appear in my wardrobe it took a long time before I wore something that didn't cover my hips and bum. Even when I did venture into wearing trousers confidently I made sure I had an undone cardigan on to skim my hips. Not today, though! Today I debuted my new festive jumper (yes, I do realise it's only October and no, I don't care) in all it's tacky, fitted glory.

It might not be flattering but I felt comfortable in it. I think there's a fine line between testing boundaries and whatnot whilst still feeling comfortable and confident. Everyone's comfort zones are different. I am most confident in dresses and tights which some people are absolutely terrified of. Taking risks is brilliant and quite often a really good way of increasing your confidence because you realise that actually, nobody has even noticed those red bumpy bits on your upper arms or made fun of your knobbly knees but forcing yourself to do something just because someone else is or something that makes you feel so uncomfortable your stomach turns is counter-productive. Wear what makes you stand a little bit taller even if that thing is deemed unflattering. If you feel good something who cares whether or not it's made with your body shape or size in mind. 

Something I love doing that makes me feel a bit fancy is matching my nails and lipstick to my outfits! Silly but it works a treat. 

Festive jumper of wonder from Tu at Sainsburys
Jeans from Yours
Brogues from Clarks
Nail polish is OPI Casino Royale

Tell me what makes you feel fancy!

Mrs D x

Friday, 18 October 2013

#BodyConfidenceWeek Day...5

Day 1 and 2

I'm a bit cross with myself for not having posted on days 3 and 4 but I'm not doing too well brain-wise lately and I'm finding it really difficult to motivate myself. (Seriously, it took me 12 bloody hours to write this haha!) However I did manage to peel myself off my sofa and do A Very Good Thing in the form of the first meeting of the Fat Positive group I organise in Northampton. 

We met in a beautiful newly opened arts cafe that is wonderfully cosy, especially with the seasonal twinkly lights and serves serious sized cake slices. There were only a few of us to begin with but I'm hoping it'll grow as we continue with it. We had a chat about what we wanted from the group and made a few rules about there being no shaming of any kind, no apologising, no diet talk and a few others. Then we generally got to know eachother and talked about all sorts of fat related things including Body Confidence Week. 

I was so pleased that the lovely Leah from 30 Something Curvy Me who I met at Plus North drove the 40 minutes to come along, she is such a sweetheart and I want to smoosh her face all the time. As part of her own blog on Body Confidence Week Leah asked if she could film us talking about what body confidence meant to us to which I jumped at the chance. I had what I wanted to say all planned out in my head but er, I got all flummoxed and couldn't articulate myself properly. Plus I made stupid faces and generally was a dick. The others were absolutely brilliant though, so clever and eloquent. You can read Leah's blog and see all the videos riiiiiiight here!  

A few photos from the night taken by Leah. 

Myself and Leah
Lovely, lovely Sophie and Tom
Me and the girl with the best hair ever Kerry

If you live near Northamptonshire (or if you don't, we have a spare room!) and want to come along for cake, tea, cocktails and social loveliness please do! We meet every 3rd Wednesday of the month. Join the Facebook group for more information. 

Mrs D x

Tuesday, 15 October 2013

#BodyConfidenceWeek Day 2

You can read yesterday's post with a little explanation as to what Body Confidence Week is here.

*Please note this post contains brief discussion of self harm and an image of scarring.*

Despite being meticulously careful about a lot of things in my life I have instances where I am very impulsive and make snap decisions without really thinking about the consequences. Sometimes they end badly, sometimes they are marvellous. The thing I'm going to talk about today definitely falls into the marvellous category. 

A couple of years ago I saw ReeRee Rockette put a tweet out asking for photos of peoples' thighs for a blog post she was writing about what real thighs look like. She'd already published the first draft of the blog and had a handful of photos already up there. Some were slim, some were chunkier but they were just normal thighs. Not one photo made me recoil in horror or turn my nose up, they were all lovely. So I impulsively decided to whip my pyjama bottoms off in the middle of the living room and snapped a photo of my own! 

At that time I didn't know what body positive meant, I had never heard of fat acceptance or anything in that area. I wasn't very confident with my body at that time, in fact in the photo I angled my legs in a specific way so they looked a little more streamlined and a lot less wobbly. My thighs had always been chunky (thanks Nana), I did not like them much at all and I never had any intention of anyone other than my husband or mum seeing them. So much so that years before they had become the chosen area for my self harm simply because I knew nobody would see. I never wore anything above my knees and on the rare occasion I went swimming and actually managed to get beyond the changing room I would make the person with me get out before me and bring my towel to the side of the pool so I could hide my ugly, scarred legs. And yet for some reason that night I decided I was okay with sending a photo of them to Ree Ree to share with the world!

It was such a wonderful feeling seeing my anonymous thighs up there next to so many others. I realised that other than my scars mine were no different to anyone else's. There were a few comments about whether or not it was appropriate to include images of self harm and at first I was really quite upset but then comments like these happened...

"...my response is yes, yes I did need to include it. That brave lady is trying to love and accept her thighs for what they are, and she was brave enough to email it in. Just as I can't un-tattoo my thighs, she cannot un-scar hers. I didn't censor my post. Any lady who wanted to contribute to a general accepting of thighs, for however small, big, scarred, tattooed, dimply etc was welcome to. I want her, and you, to love your thighs too. I hope that in some small way, by having her thighs here, she gets something positive from it, in the way others are getting something from hers."

"I thought it was very good of you to make no distinction or special attention to the self harm aspect, you didn't draw attention to it, you just accepted her beauty as equal to everyone else's."
"I am so glad you did not censor the post by saying those thighs could upset someone and should not be shown. As someone who has recently come to terms with the causes and begun to seek help to stop hurting myself in a similar fashion, seeing those thighs makes me feel good about myself. I know I am not the only one who has done such a thing to themselves (you can be told you are not all day long, but with out seeing it on someone else, it sounds like an empty greeting-card message) and that the scars I have don't have to define who I am or my self-worth."
A big part of my learning to love my body means learning to love my scars. Unlike my fat bits those are absolutely never going to go away. It took a long time to be okay with that, especially as my scars are completely self inflicted. I chose to do that to myself and I was angry at myself for it for a really long time but eventually I realised that rather than fueling that cycle of hatred I could just take a step back and be a bit kinder to myself. Taking part in that exercise shook me a bit. I didn't compare myself to anyone else or cringe when I came to mine. Instead I marveled at all the beautiful, soft, fleshy loveliness and felt pretty proud of myself as well as all the other brilliant women who took part. You can read the full post here. 

Two years later and I bloody love my pasty, dimpled, squishy, scarred thighs. I even want to get them tattooed! I don't mind people seeing my scars anymore, no more than I mind them seeing my fat body. My body might not be what I want it to be but it's what I've got right now and it is far less damaging to my brain to accept it and try to like it than it is to loathe it. 

Blimey, this is really becoming twee, huggy, hippy nonsense. Don't worry, tomorrow's post is less about the feels and more about ALL THE PRETTY CLOTHES.

Mrs D x

ps. There are similar projects on a larger scale - The Body Images ProjectThe Beautiful Body Project and The Stories Project by BeauCoo.

Monday, 14 October 2013

#BodyConfidenceWeek Day 1

After some repulsive ignorant bellends deemed last week 'fat shaming week' (I refuse to capitalise something so vile) it has been decided that this week is Body Confidence Week. If you're unsure what I'm talking about this blog explains it. I have no desire to elaborate further and I haven't looked at the hashtags on Twitter myself because that blog alone reduced me to palpitations and tears. Instead I want to focus on my own little participation of Body Confidence Week by way of spamming your Twitter and Instagram feeds with my chubby self and sharing something related on this here blog that's helped me in my body acceptance ~*journey*~!

Today's body confidence tool is this magical universe of cat gifs, feminism and most importantly, beautiful squishy bodies. 

Tumblr is the first place I saw fat, naked bodies by the thousand being happy, confident and sexy. I really and truly believe you can alter your thought processes and perceptions by emerging yourself in something and emerging myself into a world full of fat, thin, squishy, soft, toned, white, black, brown, tall, short, hairy, waxed, male, female, trans, queer, clothed, naked, disabled, tattooed and everything in between bodies changed the way I viewed others and myself. It's wonderful to look at a body, find it beautiful and then realise it looks remarkably similar to the one you've loathed for so many years. 

Here are a few links to get you started - 

(One thing I would say is be prepared for BBW porn. People really have no conscience about taking people's personal photos and putting them on their fetish blogs which is both vile and an enormous invasion of privacy. So yes, be warned.)

Follow #BodyConfidenceWeek on Twitter all this week and love your body! 

Mrs D x

Saturday, 12 October 2013

Chevrons & Colour

My outfits tend to reflect my mood and lately my outfits (like this one) are not very...me and a bit lazy. Leggings and a tunic type top are not my usual style but when I'm not feeling myself I don't feel like I'm worthy of my pretty dresses and accessories. Which is ridiculous, I know and probably doesn't make a lot of sense, but there it is anyway. Having said that though this tunic is quite pretty. I've only worn it a couple of times before because I'm never sure if it's 'me' but it's comfy and bright which ticks a few boxes. 

Yes, that is a fish shaped cat scratch thing on the door and yes, that is my giant knitting bag. 
Tunic from Evans (old)
Cardigan from George at Asda
Leggings from Yours
Shoes from Debenhams (old)
Puffy face from napping

Mrs D x

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